Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My bed smells like the plague
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
