Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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