well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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