New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
