You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
