i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
