btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
