so that wasnt chicken after all
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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