didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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