good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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