Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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