I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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