so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
