I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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