T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
