I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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