Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
