Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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