He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
