Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
