Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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