And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
