Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
