so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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