why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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