"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
