Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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