Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
