dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
