I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
