And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
