dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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