He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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