she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
