my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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