States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
