No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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