oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As shirtless as possible
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
