bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
