I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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