Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
