you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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