I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
