I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
