there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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