Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
