So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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