I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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