Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
