Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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