I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
