we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
