It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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