so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize