The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
