just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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