WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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