You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
