the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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