Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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