I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
