Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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