I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
