come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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