she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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