How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
