At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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