My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
