so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
