May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
