I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
