Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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