We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
