Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
