I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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