I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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